I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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