I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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