My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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