yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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