Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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