none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
