i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
