I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The best revenge is premature balding
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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