It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
