Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
