so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A bitchslap is in order.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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