My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
