I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
