Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
