At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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