so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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