Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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