I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
