is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
