How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
