Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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