I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
