she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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