Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
