jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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