if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
