I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
