I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
NoShamevember. You game?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
