This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
