Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize