i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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