I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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