this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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