I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
