you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
