i think my mom watched the whole time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
