Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
