who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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