I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
