Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
