My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
