I didn't shave. On purpose
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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