i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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