He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
