Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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