U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
