Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
