You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
