I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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