last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
