I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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