You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's blow job season.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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