your parents love me but you hate me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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