You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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