Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
