I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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