just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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