If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
