I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
