Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
