so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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