Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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