i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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