I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
