Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
