I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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