You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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