The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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