i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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