Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize