Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
