He kissed a someone with a penis
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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