i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize