If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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