and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
