The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
