Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
