I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
