I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
