Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
