I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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