no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
