my mouth tastes like poor choices
can u get pink eye on your cock?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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