There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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