Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
