last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
