he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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