she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
