if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
