Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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