it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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