my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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