Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
