You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
