new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
