I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
