The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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