May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
