I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
