Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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