If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
