I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
