Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ttyl tear gas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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