It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
