Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
