Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
