my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
